my body hurts
first, it was my knees
i can’t walk with any ease.
my body hurts
my skin’s aflame
i can’t trust myself the same.
my body’s hurt
since age fourteen
my nerves had to intervene.
my body works
through the decay
because i struggle every day.
That’s what we do when we’re broken, right? We break down, break up, break out – take a break. Take whatever isn’t working and tear it down… sometimes you fuck it all up. I got stuck in a loop. Pain causing pain causing pain. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t read, I couldn’t write. I wish this was a shitty hyperbole.
I always learned to take my medicine, that it would fix me, but that only works in a perfect system. Pain causes pain causes pain. You need nurses who give a fuck and doctors who treat you right and someone to change the doses when they keep you up all night.
Life sucks when half of your medicine is a lifestyle. You have to move through the pain, you have to exercise. But you worked all day and you’re sore and that bed looks mighty comfy maybe just sleep it off and get up early to work out but pretty soon you’re rolling out of bed for a 4pm shift and your joints are stiff and your eyes are shaking and your morning meds have shifted to the afternoon and pain keeps shooting down your spine but you. did. this. to. yourself.
I took a break to heal but I’m still broken.
That’s just something I’ve got to accept.
I’ll be there to squeeze your hand when it hurts most.